Inner work frameworks, practices, and questions – all in a five-minute read. Delivered to your inbox every Wednesday morning before you even wake up. Written and curated by Andrew Lang.
What Do You Do with a Problem? (The Wednesday 1-2-3)
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Happy Wednesday Reader! One of my favorite children’s books is What Do You Do with a Problem? by Kobi Yamada and Mae Besom. It’s a beautiful little story about a young kiddo who has a problem – and has no idea what to do with it. The kiddo tries to ignore it, hide from it, shoo it away, but the problem just seems to get bigger. And the bigger it gets, the more the kiddo worries, which only makes it grow bigger! Sound familiar? The resolution to the story is that our young protagonist finally has enough and realizes the problem needs to be faced up-close-and-personal. And when that happens, the kiddo recognizes the problem – like all problems – also holds an opportunity for a new way of being. So what does looking at the things that challenge us “up-close” really look like? There’s a framework I love to use in these moments known as the “Iceberg Model.” It’s a really helpful tool, somewhat similar to the Peel the Fruit activity, that helps us get clear on what’s really happening – not just in front of us, but beneath the surface as well (hence the iceberg metaphor.) And when we really dig into the problem and see what’s in it, under it, and all around it, we can begin to discern what invitations there are for us. Here’s how it works: Before I share an example, here’s why this process is so vital for us: Problems rarely happen in a vacuum. When we only address what's right in front of us (the problematic events), without any attempt to look at patterns, supporting structures or systems, or underlying core beliefs, we tend to get absorbed in the work of “fixing” the symptoms…which often fails and perpetuates more harm. This looks like us placing the blame solely on specific people, grasping for hyper-individual solutions, and reaching for quick “duct tape” solutions, rather than engaging in (typically longer) discernment and listening processes. Facing problems “up close” requires us to see all components of the iceberg. Here’s a practical example of what this might look like:
Events (the problem): I decide to meditate every evening before bed for 15 minutes. It starts well…but by the third day, I choose sleep over practice. I go a week without trying again and then give up on the plan, despite knowing it would be beneficial. I continue to feel disconnected and numb to my own life, now with even more guilt and shame. Patterns: I recognize this isn’t the first time. The same thing has played out before with diets, workout plans, and basically any kind of habit-building rooted in a desire for a healthier life. I realize I have a pattern of starting > attempting > stopping >feeling guilty > giving up > repeat. Systems: My day-to-day schedule is completely packed. Between surviving the demands of capitalism (including working a job I don't particularly enjoy), meeting family commitments, going to doctor’s visits and grocery store trips – I'm usually physically and emotionally exhausted by the time I might realistically have a bit of silence. The structure of my day (which I've co-created along with cultural expectations and demands) is simply not made for “me time." Mental Models: Realistically, although I don’t want to admit it, I notice how much I buy into the “productivity over everything” cultural belief. Society’s norms underlying meritocracy, hierarchy, and production feed the ways I use my time and set up my schedule – even outside “working” hours. Even when I do manage to prioritize stillness or reflection, I find myself feeling a bit selfish, antsy, or like I'm "wasting time." As with all deep inner work practices, you might notice there are no answers here. But once we get clear on the beliefs, assumptions, and systems supporting the problematic events and patterns we experience, we can begin to see the invitations calling for us. Hope this tool helps 🙂 ❓ Questions
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The Wednesday 1-2-3
Inner work frameworks, practices, and questions – all in a five-minute read. Delivered to your inbox every Wednesday morning before you even wake up. Written and curated by Andrew Lang.
Hey Reader, This month, I'm taking a pause from writing a new issue of The Wednesday 1-2-3 each week and instead sending out some of my favorites from the past two years. Hope you enjoy! In the middle of reading Rumi's wonderful poem, “A Great Wagon,” there's a stanza that stuck out to me as deeply familiar: Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the...
Hey Reader, This month, I'm taking a pause from writing a new issue of The Wednesday 1-2-3 each week and instead sending out some of my favorites from the past two years. Hope you enjoy! In 1955, psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham developed a framework for mapping our awareness and self-awareness called the Johari Window. Here’s how it works: (And a quick note: when I first learned this framework, I found myself labeling qualities in different quadrants as good/bad. If you notice...
Hey Reader, After almost two years of writing a new issue of The Wednesday 1-2-3 every week, I'm taking a short pause this month! With the October Inner Work Cohort starting up and our family now in school-mode for both our kiddos, this seemed like a good time to temporarily remove something from my plate – but that doesn't mean you won't still get something from me. 🙂 Over the next five weeks, I'll be sending out some of my favorite issues from the past two years. (And the good thing is,...